This is me…..
I feel like I have to take care of everyone. It does bring me happiness to do it but, I also feel unappreciated at times. I feel like the more I do the more people expect me to do. Then I get bitter because I can’t do what they want but I try anyway because I don’t want to disappoint them.
I’m not perfect. I can’t ever be perfect no many how many books I read or how much revelation I get. I have to accept that and I don’t know how. I take that back. I have to look to God for answers. I try too hard to always have them for myself. I can’t fix me!!!!
I’m scared of being alone. I’m scared of raising these three boys by myself. What if I mess them up? I’m not a man. I don’t know how to teach them. God knows best. He would never give me more than He has already equipped me to handle. I know the boys will be fine… because I have to allow God to teach me how to teach them.
I could totally learn all the terminology for the stupid computer, car, DVD player, and TV and figure out how to work it but it makes me feel good that someone else will do it for me. On the other hand, driving in unfamiliar places still scares me.
I just want to scream at everyone sometimes. I know it won’t help…. OK… actually, I think it would.
I don’t like myself all the time. But… if I read all these books and do what they say I feel some sense of accomplishment. There again, a set of rules or directions that if followed, seems to give me some self worth.
Am I confident? I am for the most part but the truth is most of my confidence is in knowing how to appear confident. The rest is from experience or knowing that if I follow the formula I have learned that I can do it correctly and thus earn approval from myself.
I judge other people by the same standards that I judge myself by. This is wrong. If I can’t be perfect then they can’t either. If I am driving myself crazy with these expectations then what am I doing to others?
I love being a wife and mom. All the excitement of the single life just can’t compare to the joys of being a family.
What if I never get it right? AHHHHH!! Another I need to be perfect moment…. I can’t do it and God loves me anyway!!!!!!
That’s just it. God loves me anyway. He truly loves me!!
February – March 2006
The picture was taken in February 2006
Gosh, it seems that I have come so far, yet, I still have so far to go. Life is awesome. God is good. He really is… and He still loves me!
