Spunky Old Lady….

Meet grandma. She is a firecracker, let me tell you. She has more spunk and attitude than Thelma Harper did in Mama’s Family.

I have the privilege of taking her back and forth to the doctor on a weekly basis because she is getting old you know and she could drop dead like a chicken any day now (yes, that is exactly what she says.) So, I drive for an hour through ridiculous bumper to bumper traffic with three rambunctious boys in tow just to take her to the heart doctor. Needless to say, I’m usually not in the best mood when I arrive but it never lasts long because she is always ready with a joke just as soon as I walk through the door.

“Amy, did you hear about that murder over on Haayes Street? They said it was the darndest thing they’d ever saw. They found a 30-something year old woman dead in the bathtub. They said she must’ve been there for days. They couldn’t make heads or tails of it though. They said she was laying in a tub full of milk filled with cheerios, at least three boxes and she had a banana shoved in her mouth. The detective said, ‘Well, this is Louisiana. I ain’t surprised that we got another serial (cereal) killer on our hands.’ “

Then she bursts out in laughter that causes me to smile uncontrollably. She is contagious.

After comedy hour we head off to her cardiologist. The moment we walk through the door she becomes fragile and requires everyone’s assistance. “I hate doctors!” she says, “Just shoot me and get it over with!”

Boy oh boy. She is not a good patient… that is until she becomes the star of the show. Once she starts getting attention then she goes to town with the humor and wise remarks. She was asked to remove her shirt, leave on the undergarments, so they could perform an EKG. She obliged. Then in came another nurse. Then another nurse. Then yet another. She looked at them all standing there and said, “Oh what? I get an audience now? I hope ya’ll are at least gonna clap for me!” Who is this woman? Those poor nursing interns, they got more than they bargained for and definitely some good stories to tell during class tomorrow. But it gets even better than that.

Before they could do the EKG they had to get all of the sticky tabs on her and the intern was doing her best to get them on properly and professionally, that is with all the jokes grandma was telling and all. So she finally gets to the tab that needs to go in the center of the chest under the rib cage so she tells my grandma that she is going to have to lift her breasts to do it. Grandma says, “Hallelujah! My breasts need all the lift they can get! Go for it! That’s included in the price of the visit, right?”

At this point all of the interns are near tears either because they found it so funny or because they were in complete shock. I’m still not sure which it was. I was too busy trying to hide behind my book and sink into the chair.

And that folks, is my grandma.

I love that woman.

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Tagged as: Cajun Country, Family Life