Spunky Old Lady….

Meet grandma. She is a firecracker, let me tell you. She has more spunk and attitude than Thelma Harper did in Mama’s Family.

I have the privilege of taking her back and forth to the doctor on a weekly basis because she is getting old you know and she could drop dead like a chicken any day now (yes, that is exactly what she says.) So, I drive for an hour through ridiculous bumper to bumper traffic with three rambunctious boys in tow just to take her to the heart doctor. Needless to say, I’m usually not in the best mood when I arrive but it never lasts long because she is always ready with a joke just as soon as I walk through the door.

“Amy, did you hear about that murder over on Haayes Street? They said it was the darndest thing they’d ever saw. They found a 30-something year old woman dead in the bathtub. They said she must’ve been there for days. They couldn’t make heads or tails of it though. They said she was laying in a tub full of milk filled with cheerios, at least three boxes and she had a banana shoved in her mouth. The detective said, ‘Well, this is Louisiana. I ain’t surprised that we got another serial (cereal) killer on our hands.’ ”

Then she bursts out in laughter that causes me to smile uncontrollably. She is contagious.

After comedy hour we head off to her cardiologist. The moment we walk through the door she becomes fragile and requires everyone’s assistance. “I hate doctors!” she says, “Just shoot me and get it over with!”

Boy oh boy. She is not a good patient… that is until she becomes the star of the show. Once she starts getting attention then she goes to town with the humor and wise remarks. She was asked to remove her shirt, leave on the undergarments, so they could perform an EKG. She obliged. Then in came another nurse. Then another nurse. Then yet another. She looked at them all standing there and said, “Oh what? I get an audience now? I hope ya’ll are at least gonna clap for me!” Who is this woman? Those poor nursing interns, they got more than they bargained for and definitely some good stories to tell during class tomorrow. But it gets even better than that.

Before they could do the EKG they had to get all of the sticky tabs on her and the intern was doing her best to get them on properly and professionally, that is with all the jokes grandma was telling and all. So she finally gets to the tab that needs to go in the center of the chest under the rib cage so she tells my grandma that she is going to have to lift her breasts to do it. Grandma says, “Hallelujah! My breasts need all the lift they can get! Go for it! That’s included in the price of the visit, right?”

At this point all of the interns are near tears either because they found it so funny or because they were in complete shock. I’m still not sure which it was. I was too busy trying to hide behind my book and sink into the chair.

And that folks, is my grandma.

I love that woman.

Comments

  1. Melissa says:

    Your Grandma sounds alot like mine. The breast lift cracked me up. When mine was going through chemo for breast cancer she would say the funniest things and usually it was my mom or myself sinking behind the book. Brings back wonderful memories! Thanks for sharing! I just started reading your blog. I plan to add you to my list of favs! Thanks for the laugh today!

  2. Thanks for sharing your grandma story! How blessed we are to know and spend time with spunky grandmas. I hope that I will one day be like them:-)

  3. marywanabe says:

    Amy,

    Found your post via Dawn who I met last weekend at She Speaks.

    I’m a newbee on the block so it will be a while before my blog is up and running but just had to comment after reading your Grandma story!

    EXCELLENT! What a tremendous writer/story teller you are. You painted perfect imagery … sounds like a book in the making?

    Blessings
    Nan (aka Marywanabe)

  4. Laurie Ann says:

    What a hoot! I loved reading about your spunky grandmother, Amy. You are such a dear for having such a servant’s heart to get her to the doctor as needed. That’s hilarious! I needed that, oh how I needed to read your post! God bless your grandmother and I pray her health holds out for her to keep that spunk for a long long time to come.

  5. Ah Amy, thanks for sharing your grandma with us. I needed the giggle this morning! : )

  6. I LOVE it! She sounds like a hoot! Thanks for sharing her with us!

  7. Hi, Amy. I don’t comment much, but I do read often and enjoy your blog so much.

    I LOVE this post about your grandma. She sounds like a hoot! I bet there is NEVER a dull moment when she is around. 🙂

    Happy Thursday!

  8. LOL. That’s hilarious!

  9. That’s my kinda grandma! She’d fit right in with us!!!!

    Thanks for making me laugh this morning Amy!

  10. That’s the kind of old lady I want to be!

  11. You are fortunate. My grandmother was very damaged by life and was never very happy. But she was well loved and loved her family deeply.

  12. Oh, she sounds great!

  13. Laura @ Laura Williams' Musings says:

    She sounds like such a hoot to be around. I love it when people have a sense of humor.

  14. funny grndmas!! love it 🙂

    enjoyable read.

  15. That is awesome… she sounds like my kind of people. Thanks for sharing this.

  16. You are blessed to have such a great person in your life!

  17. Oh, I just LOVE YOUR GRANDMA!!

    Thanks for taking such good care of her, she is just precious in every way.

    What an honor you have to be a part of her wonderful world.

    Love to meet her one day♥

  18. Amy —

    We visited my husbands grandmother recently. She wasjust diagnosed with a tumor behind her eye and she is refusing treatment. We are so glad we had the chance to visit with her. She told us some great stories about her and grampa and we got to tease her a bit about joining in with the activities at her assisted living apartment — they were having a wet t-shirt contest :-0 and we got a few child like giggles out of her over that one…LOL!!

    Enjoy all this special time with your grama… it sounds like she’s great and will hold long-lasting, special memories in your boys minds!

    God bless,
    Sallie

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