That’s all I could say the day I opened the email. I had to forward it to my husband because I couldn’t read it without crying.
I don’t talk much about Caran’s condition here on my blog partly because we really don’t know much about it, in fact we only have an assumed diagnosis, but also because I would just rather let him tell his story. Then he can say as much or as little as he wants to. I have written one or two posts on how my life as a mom is a bit different because of his size but really all of my kids have things that require a bit more out of me and so I just see it all as parenting.
Well, Caran is ready to tell a part of his story, which he likes to do through videos, but I’ll set it up for you…
Caran is my oldest and smallest child. He has a form of dwarfism. I want to point out that he, and most other little people, prefer to be called a “little person” and that the term “midget” is degrading. Please don’t ever use that word. We “think” Caran has a form of dwarfism called Cartilage-Hair-Hypoplasia but we aren’t very sure of that. We can’t find a doctor who is confident enough to make a diagnosis because his symptoms don’t exactly match the most well known types.
Caran has often felt out of place in a world that was not created for him and by that I mean the world society has created, not the world God created. God likes variety! But this world has certain standards and cater to the most desired average. Fast food counters, water fountains, arcade games, and theme parks are pretty much out of the question for a person of short stature. He simply can’t reach without sitting on my knee and having me boost him up. He also still sits in a car seat, which for a twelve year old, is totally uncool.
All of these things are on his mind everyday yet, it is only every once in a while that I hear him say, “Mom. I wish I was bigger.”
On those days I cry with him. Then I tell him how God designed him, his height, and everything else while he was still inside the comforts of my womb. He knows he is safe and very much loved and accepted with us but when he is around strangers his countenance changes. He feels the stares. He sees the fingers pointing. He hears when they call him a “midget.” The world can be cruel when it sees someone unlike the photos of perfection they compare everyone to.
But he is my baby.
For years he has asked to go to the LPA conference so he could meet lots of other little people like himself. Then, ever since the show started we have sat together on the sofa watching TLCs Little People, Big World. I often catch him gleaming out of the corner of my eye. He just starts glowing. Now with the new show, The Little Couple, that is one more half hour each week where he feels like he belongs. I can’t thank TLC, the Roloffs, and the Kleins enough for sharing their world with us but more importantly for bringing us into our son’s world. Of course, seeing these shows only caused him to want to attend the LPA conference even more. Without a lot of money to freely spend we turned to God.
…and for two and a half years we have prayed that God would provide a way for him to go.
“We’ve been praying a lot and we both really feel like the Lord wants us to tithe money over to you on behalf of Caran. I’m not sure if you are interested in it or even if he has an interest, but we feel like the Lord may want it to go toward an LPA conference.”
I almost hit the floor. I don’t know that I ever felt more significant to God than at that very moment. I had never told anyone online of Caran’s desire to go to the conference and so for God to think so much of my son that He would speak to someone else and have them provide this for my baby, well, it just left me in awe and I was speechless. The kids thought I had lost it because I was just crying sitting there looking at the monitor. Then Caran read it. He squealed and pointed, “MOM! Is that for me?!!”
He spun around a few times and did his manly, “yeah!” because you know his friends were watching and all but then he just stood there somberly and I saw tears well up in his eyes. He looked at me and smiled and said, “Ma. I really get to go now, huh?”
I could finally tell him yes.
The check came in the mail two days ago along with a beautiful note for my little man. I just wanted this generous and loving family to know what they have done for Caran and thank them for listening so intently to God. I pray that God blesses your socks off for this. Caran will be attending the 2010 LPA conference along with his entire family and you better believe we will be blogging about it. We are going to make a vacation and celebration of it. He has something to say to you:
I’m a proud mom. What can I say?