I’m just going to say it. I feel bad for the Gosselins. No matter how a divorce comes about it is never easy – especially on the kids.
My former spouse and I were separated for a long time before we ever got divorced and that didn’t ease any of the pain either of us went through. Even though I’d had enough of what he had put me through and even though he had already been making a life with another woman it was still extremely hard on both of us. You start to wonder who in the world you even are as a person. All of a sudden a huge part of your identity is gone and life as you knew it is just a memory. The pain is very real and the road to recovery is long.
I just pray that Jon and Kate both seek some type of Christian counseling to work on their own lives and to get insight to help with those eight beautiful kids of theirs. No matter how hard it is on mom and dad it is always hardest on them. No matter what is said to them or how often they are told otherwise, the kids always think they are the reason for the divorce.
Just the other night my husband, Ryan, and I had to have a talk with our boys because they were going through some rough emotional patches. I truly felt led by God to just tell them that they were not responsible for the divorce between me and their father, Mark, and that even though their dad doesn’t get to see them as often as he would like he still loves them deeply and thinks of them every day.
My youngest began to cry and told me adamantly that he knew he was the reason why his dad left and he believed it was because he didn’t keep his room clean. He was only three years old at the time yet he still believed this. I just held him and Ryan and I opened the door for any questions they had and we answered as best as we could. I also gave them the opportunity to call their dad and talk to him. Divorce is hard… even years after.
So I ask that you please join me in praying for these kids and their parents. It really doesn’t matter who did what or who’s dating who and voicing opinions on blogs only distracts us from what is effective: prayer, and they are going to need lots of it. The next year of their life will be one of the hardest they’ll ever have to live through. Unfortunately, me and nearly every other divorced person I know can attest to it.
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
My husband's parents divorced when he was about 11 and his brother was 6. Both boys went through such a hard time — and even as men deal with things from the divorce.
It is so hard. And the Gosselins truly do need our prayer. I'm with you. 100%.
My parents divorced when I was 29 and had a family of my own. It didn't affect my daily life like it would a child's, yet it was the toughest time of my life. Whenever I hear of any divorce, my heart hurts for everyone involved. It is NEVER easy and carries life long repercussions no matter what the circumstances.
I pray God continues to heal your family as I pray for the Gosselins. Life is hard, but God is good. Much love to you, Amy.
My daughter's father and I were never married, but it still doesn't numb the pain of separation. It's been 3 1/2 years now, and while my daughter was not yet 2 when we separated, she misses not seeing her daddy all the time. She doesn't remember him being at home with us, which may or may not be a blessing, but it still doesn't lesson the impact that separation of parents has. My separation was unavoidable, and I never wanted my child to grow up in this situation. Thankfully we are blessed by a wonderful support network, and a wonderful and gracious God who takes very good care of us, His two girls. Thank you for this post Amy, as it's a subject that is not touched on a great deal, but is so common nowadays.
Very well said! My boys still have "abandonment" issues, like you said-years later.
ok. you officially have me in tears! LOL. 1st – because I absolutely LOVED watching the Gosselins and 2nd – my parents were divorced when I was 12, but I later found out my dad had been having an affair for 3 years prior – straight through. Now, 11 years later, I have an awesome relationship with both of my parents, but it wasn't an easy journey. Those talks like you had with your boys are what got me through it, so I'm glad you 2, as parents, can talk with your boys and help them to understand. I still have them with my parents!
I, too, will pray for the Gosselins. Great post today!
I love you and your heart for the Lord! I'm praying, too!
My parents married a month before I was born and divorced a month after I was born. I worry about divorce now that I am married. We used Jon and Kates "divorce is not an option" as our moto for our marriage.
I will continue to pray for them. I was really pulling for them as a Christian couple on TV. "Come on, beat the odds" Now God can use this situation to show that Christians get divorced too and this is where their faith is.
Once again, Amy another post as if you were inside my head!
I was married and separated before I was even a legal adult, I tried as best as a young girl could to make it work, but it ultimately ended in divorce. My daughter who is now almost a legal adult herself still has a lot of bitterness to work through, Although I don't believe she even remembers a time when her father and I were together (other than reminiscing in pictures) she still to this day wishes we would get back together. And we're both remarried w/ children for years! I can't say I've been there since my parents are still married to this day, but I do know that many live with the thoughts of what life would be like if their parents were together. No matter how good their relationship may be with their step parent. This is definitely an area that Satan will try to get his foot in the door! I've learned over the years that their is power in prayer!
Thanks for reminding us all of that.
I fear the Gosselins are another example of Hollywood explotiation disrupting the family. Hollywood is our modern-day Bablyon. I appreciate your sensitivity to their situation.
As a minister, I have found just what you discussed here – the children always feel like the divorce is their fault. It is amazing how your 3 year old even thought so at his young age! They can never hear enough, "It's not your fault." And even then they may still think it is.
I'm a first time visitor, having linked here from Susan's site. You have a great blog. wb
Amy-
(BIG grin)
Having come from the home and community where divorce was NOT the norm, but having survived it—both as a young teen when it happened to my parents, and then as a young adult when it happened to me…I know full well the impact of the lasting effects divorce can have on kids…but…BUT GOD.
Because my mother was a STRONG woman of STRONG FAITH and because she TAUGHT us the same—we came through the trials of life and I believe are overcomers despite the difficulties we've encountered along the way.
Am I perfect now? Are you kidding me? Lori reminded me yesterday of how I'm late…always…
BUT I know when I see the limitations of my own self…I look beyond and see the UNlimitations of Jesus Christ!
At least I know when I'm late….I'm not in that boat all alone
I applaud your sentiments in this post.
I couldn't agree more. Thank you for the reminder to pray for this family. I think we forget that the show is not just entertainment–it's a real family.
I agree and thank you for the reminder to lift them up in prayer. When I think of this whole situation, I always go straight to how it will affect the kids. I'm 33 and I still deal with the fall-out of my parents' divorce. I wish more people got that.
My husband has abandonment issues from his divorce.. there were no children. Divorce is hard. Period.
Glad your husband is so good with your boys!!
I agree about the Gosselins. We can't ever know all the stresses in their lives. I know a lot of it they put there themselves with the show but I'm sure they thought they were making wise choices when they started it. Maybe they felt they'd be letting people down if they quit and in the end they just let themselves down. Really heartbreaking but God can work miracles. We'll see what happens with this..
Hope your week is blessed!
Sallie
I agree that we need to soak that family in prayer. We are really just outsiders looking in, and we don't know the whole story….it makes me so sad for them, but Got can work through any situation.