A few people have emailed me asking when we stopped homeschooling the two younger boys and why and so I thought I’d just lay it all out here. Those who emailed were very supportive but simply inquisitive since homeschooling seems to be an all or nothing method. I see it a bit differently. I realize some may not see it as I now do but after much prayer we have total peace with God about this.
Maxon and Andrew went back to public school in March of last school year. This was not my first choice but since their dad (my former spouse) and my husband (Ryan) both felt strongly that they should be in school I had to comply. Reason number one is that since their dad and I have begun parenting together and paying each other mutual respect for the purpose of raising our children, we have a legally binding agreement about education. He gave me the go ahead to start homeschooling a few years ago but he always said when they were older he wanted them to attend school for the purposes of athletics, clubs, and all that other stuff. Do I agree? No, but I figured he would change his mind later but alas he didn’t so when he said he wanted them to go back then we sent them back.
Reason number two is that my husband feels the same way. He had a great education without homeschooling and he is a strong Christian man. His take on it is that of a father and provider who wants the best for his boys. He feels as though I can’t give my best to all three of them especially with Carsten needing so much one on one instruction. Both dads agree that Carsten should stay home and that I can give him the best education at present.
So, both of our younger boys went to public shool in March of last year and completed the year ahead of their class and eager to go back this year. Again, I will comply.
Did I do it without kicking and screaming? No, but I finally realized I couldn’t win and prayed for God to show me the best of this situation and after having them there for three months and getting to the core of Carsten’s learning problems, I realize that I do need to focus most of my attention on Carsten, who will be homeschooling. And I have to admit that it will be much easier for me to teach him if there are no other distractions.
I’ll be honest here. This was very hard for me. I fought with my husband over it. Not only did I want to keep them all home but I had been so ingrained by some others that homeschooling is the “only” biblical way of educating our children that I had to fight off guilt and self-condemnation that was brought on by that peer-pressure. The problem is that in all my biblical studies on the subject, this “only way” has proven to be very unfounded. Yes, we are our children’s primary educator and it is ultimately our responsibility to ensure that they are being educated properly but keeping them home to do that is not the only option. I have found a way to co-educate with my children’s teachers to give them the best education possible. My husband, their father and I are in agreement and at peace. I’m leaving some things that I have no authority over in God’s hands and I am staying on top of the rest.
As long as we, as parents, are doing our absolute best to help them learn and grow then God sees our hearts and honors that. I know this is true. I’m living proof. He called me out of what I was in to where I am now and He did that without the help of any human. My going to public school had nothing to do with anything as it pertains to God.
2 Corinthians 3 talks about the glory of the new covenant in which we receive direction and wisdom from the spirit. Those scriptures brought me great comfort while I was struggling to submit to my husband and my boys’ father. No one should feel condemned for the choices they make concerning education unless they made that decision for selfish reasons.
My boys are growing and thriving. They have all accepted Christ as their Lord and savior and been baptized. The method of education we choose does not limit the spirit of the living God.
I hope some of you find comfort in that. I’ve received many emails from ladies who felt condemned because they can’t keep their children home for one reason or another. You’ve read all of the information out there about why you should keep them home and the like but you have to remember that this is a personal choice. One that should be made by you, God, and your spouse. Only the three of you can truly determine what is best for your children and only you will answer for your decision before God. If that decision is to homeschool then that is absolutely awesome! It is a great choice. But, if you have to go with another method of education then that is great too. Make the best of it. Do you part. Be sure to co-school along with the school your child attends. You have the ultimate authority over their education.
Will I continue to educate them this way? I don’t know. It depends on how the Holy Spirit continues to lead me and whether or not God changes the minds of the men in our life. I can say that during this season of my life this is what we are doing and I am going to make the best of it.
I hope this brings comfort to anyone who was struggling with the decision on how to educate. Pray, seek God, and listen for His will.
For those of you who do choose the school system, be it public, private, or parochial, I will be writing a post about how you can co-school for the best possible outcome for your child(ren) but tell me, do you homeschool? Do you send your kids to private school? What about private or parochial school? What led your family to that decision?
I know it's hard for you…but God's plan is sometimes HARD!
I completely agree that each family/parent/person has to do what is best for them, according to how they are led by the Spirit. I homeschooled our oldest in 2nd grade and he is in private school now because that is where his emotional/behavioral and educational needs are best met.
Our younger boys go to public school, always have. We consider it their mission field and ours too. One excels at athletics, the other belongs to the chess club. The most important thing is that I am active in their schools and that they are happy, well adjusted and SAVED little boys.
Good for you for doing what is bes right now, even when it is hard!
Oh Amy, I can so relate. I homeschool my two eldest as you know… but I cannot homeschool an autistic child like Emma Grace so she goes to public school and attends an autistic class. She gets so much more there than I could ever provide for her including speech and OT.
I am of the same mindset that homeschooling has nothing to do with Christianity unless you called to do it. And then, it is unique to each and every child and each and every family. I wholeheartedly support and respect your take on this, although I know how hard it has been, having talked in length about this very matter with you. He will provide, He already has!
Keep doing what you are doing and the pieces will fall into place, whether that be having them all at home or dispersed between home and school.
-H
Thank you for sharing a very difficult decision and time in your life. I am sure this post will be encouraging and comforting to others. We all have to do what is best for our children given the circumstances. Obviously, to honor the wishes of the fathers… you are doing this. I know that God will bless you for your submissive and respectful decision.
I know you are a great mom. Those boys are blessed no matter where they are educated, because of you!
I am so grateful to hear your words on this topic! Home-schooling is not my life experience, nor did I ever know a home-schooled child until adulthood; but, I grew up in the church and I love my Lord!!! So, take heart, we turn out all right!
My husband and I do not have children, yet. We have, however, had this discussion. My husband is a good Christian man, who was home-schooled for a time. He says no to homeschooling. So, that is my answer. I will not be a part of that thriving sub-culture…and I am totally fine with that. There are things that might benefit from change in my history, but my schooling is not one of them.
I love your phrase, "co-educator". It sums up what all parents should be doing. Let's face it, even home-schooled kids are influenced by something else than the home, sometimes.
I will begin to pray for the wisdom to "co-educate" in my future family. Thanks for sharing your heart on this one.
Blessings.
Amy~~ We homeschooled our 4 children since the first one was 5. We have since graduated one, who is in his second year of college and have the three others right behind him. I can honestly say that God has called our family to homeschool. We didn't set out having kids intending to homeschool them. The Lord gently called us to homeschool, and so we are obedient.
Do I think every christian should homeschool? No. It is between the two spouses and God, as you eloquently put it.
Have we ever thought about public school? Yes!! I remember when our first was entering high school, he wanted to go soooo…badly to the public school. I had no problem with him going, but my husband said no. I'll never forget the day when he was a senior in highschool and he told me that he was so glad that we didn't send him to public school. I was humbled and blown away!!
No matter the schooling, the Lord is faithful. We only need to be obedient to what He wants for OUR family. We don't have to concern ourselves with what others think, its not their business. Remain steadfast in the what the Lord has called YOU to do.
***Sorry for the long winded comment ;o)
I love this, Amy. Thanks for your honesty. We have children who are almost 4 and almost 2 and both are in 1/2 day child care at Christian schools/ churches. The younger in a mother's day out and the older in pre-school. I wanted to be able to keep the younger at home this year, but I found myself not being able to keep him engaged, learning and more or less throwing him in the car with me to run errands. He learned a lot about Target and the coffee shop.
Really- I know they need that type of learning, as well, but he thrives in circle time, Bible stories and interaction with other children, so we are loving it. I also found that I can organize this home (and I still work part time!) quicker with some free time at home while I still get to see them after 12 every day. It's a little hairy, but it works for us right now. I loved what you said about that, too- sometimes you have to reevaluate!
Thanks for the term co-educate. That's really what we all are doing and I appreciate you putting your finger on it to identify it.
xoxo,
May the Lord bless you, dear friend, in whatever you do. It sounds like you're doing exactly what's best for your family, and honoring your husband and your boys' father.
Like you we homeschool one and have one in private school. Then of course there's the baby we just adopted who's not school age yet.
We started homeschooling our daughter last year and will be doing the same again this year.
The classroom setting was no longer meeting the special needs she has related to the brain injury she sustained from an illness as a baby. Having her home allows me to completely tailor her academic needs and facilitate learning she is capable of.
Like you said this ultimately needs to be a decision between each family and God taking into account each child as a unique individual.
Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability in this post!
Great post, Amy! I tell people that homeschooling is a great option. It's not for everyone, but it is fantastic.
And the great part: God is a God of redemption and power. He can and does use anything. I know, because I've done all three: homeschool, public school, and Christian school [smile].
~Luke
I am struggling with this so much right now. I feel God's been working on me the past few years to homeschool (but only homeschool our one daughter?) but my husband is not quite there yet. She's not learning in the public schools but neither are the other kids. Things are really messed up. So for now we are on the fence. If I do start homeschooling though — it will totally be a God thing because I never thought I could do that.
I would love to get more info about homeschooling to share with my husband — he asked me yesterday questions like testing. How do we know she's learning what she's supposed to be? etc. I kinda know the answers, but not well enough to explain it to him I think.
Hope you are feeling better
Been praying for you!
(((hugs))) You're a fabulous Christian and have no doubt you will guide them through this time in their lives.
Amy,
Our situation is similar to yours in that we have three that homeschool, and one child at public school. In our case, though, it is our more disabled child that goes to PS, with a 1:1 integration aide. Our girls have some learning issues too, but are much less impaired in general than DS.
I can understand your desire to have them all with you at home. As DS becomes more and more capable, I wish more & more that we could homeschool them all. Especially so, when the school seems to be holding him back academically or when behavioural issues make it tough for him to go to school. But I know that I couldn't teach them all right now, and I have to think about the attention & support my guirls need this year.
It isn't easy, but it is helpful when I come upon other families like my own whose homeschooling is not an all or nothing situation.
Cheers!
Ruby
Sweet Amy, Phew. I'm glad you posted this. Bet that felt gooooood. Our schooling choices are not what God's concerned about; rather, our heart choices. And yours is HIS, no doubt. Much love to you, my sis.
Amy —
Thanks for being a wife that puts her husband first. You can't homeschool without his support and guidance. The Lord will bless you for that!!
God bless,
Sallie
I know this is an old post, but I wanted to come back to your blog and re-read it. The Lord has just gently told me that he wanted me to send my eldest to school and I fought Him (not my husband!) about it!
Long story short, (you can read my blog post about it here: http://princessjo-anne-blessed.blogspot.com/2010/01/not-my-will-but-yours-be-done.html) I am sending him to school this week.
I just heard your testimony last week from the HOTM conference mp3's (I still hadn't got around to listening to them until last week and yours was first…beginning with 'A')Wow! I was really encouraged on what you said about your gift of writing. xo
Making these decisions and then following through with them is HARD!
I fought (not sure who, God, my own stubborn will?)putting my two oldest back in school. We never had a peaceful, easy homeschool during our 3 years and I always questioned whether I was doing the right thing with them. Not education wise, but emotionally.
But they've been in a private Christian school for 3 years that support homeschooling families by offering part time classes. My kids go full time and my younger two whom I homeschool M/W/F attend the same school for elective classes. I also teach creative writing there. It's the best of both worlds, though it does cut into the core subjects. Next year my now 4th grader will be attending full time. He wanted to go this year, but I wanted to get him on the same math program before I sent him. He's excited, me not so much, but I know it's the best thing for him.