Over and Over I’ve failed at trusting Him.

Maybe I’ll get it this time.

I almost seemed to have no trouble trusting God for most things unrelated to money. Maybe it is because my childhood was riddled with lack or because I had to struggle as a single mom. I say that but He always provided. We have never done without. Still I always think that I have to find a way to provide. It has gotten to a point where if Ryan even mentions that we need money for something then I immediately try to figure out a way earn it. I have designed blogs; sold items on eBay; sold books on Amazon; and I’ve even sold those kitchen gadgets.

I’ve blogged about it before and mentioned it during the A Woman Inspired conferences but for those who don’t know, Ryan and I had one of the worst years last year as far as financial issues are concerned. We were expecting Matthias, had no second vehicle, Ryan’s job was not paying him what we needed, and we lost all of the support for the boys.

all.at.one.time.

I was spending $65 a week or less on groceries and we didn’t do anything extracurricular. But we didn’t stop tithing and we didn’t stop trusting Him but it was hard at times. He answered in big ways. Maybe not the way we thought he would be he definitely answered big.

Ryan has a job now making so much more than he did before. We got a second vehicle for much less than it was worth. We were able to come up with our percentage (after insurance) for Matthias’s birth. And, God blessed us in abundant ways during that drought. I was able to attend She Speaks in 2009 and Carsten was able to go to the Little People of America conference in July of this year. All was completely paid for.

Still, many times during this last year or so I lacked trust and God had to remind me, over and over again. Why?

Do you have issues with trusting God even though he has proven himself to you over and over again? Or is it just me?

Tomorrow I’ll talk about the journey God took Ryan and I on over the last couple of weeks and what he taught me through my favorite chair.

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Comments

  1. Just like we teach our children the same lessons over and over again, God does that with us. Except He doesn’t yell at me like I do my kids. Oi. I need to work on that.

  2. Girl I am so with you. Parenting is a huge area of trust and I am so struggling. I need to know and believe He is faithful in that.

  3. It’s not just you!!! I am stressing out over this very thing right now. It seems that, although my husband has a very good income, we are always low on money. But we never have missed a tithe and tithe with cheerful and willing hearts. God honors that. We have never had a need go unmet. This post was just what I needed to read today. God is so faithful to provide. Even when we are in want or need He is there through that as well.

    I’m looking forward to meeting you at Relevant!!

  4. You’re definitely alone. I think that’s why we’re encouraged (even the Isrealites were encouraged to pass on from generation-to-generation) to remember the things God has done for us. When we can recount how He brought us out in the past, it helps us to confidently wait upon Him.

  5. The money thing is rough…when you are living on less than $80/week for groceries and gas and your pantry is empty it’s VERY hard to trust. Yet we still make it, week after week…I still hope for a huge grocery delivery.

  6. We’ve been going through some of these same things as well. Trusting God in the area of finances is hard to do when you “think” you can earn it. However, God is teaching us that trusting Him is way better and He has not failed us yet. 🙂 He is so good. 😀

  7. I doubt. Not always. But often enough. Too often. And then I feel guilty. But that continued guilt is just as bad as not trusting. I grow out of each new season, though, and my relationship with my Lord gets stronger and deeper. Praise the Lord for His continued patience and mercy!!

  8. Yes! I can relate!! Your last year sounds like my last 10 years!! I’m so ready to get passed this season (well, that’s what I’m calling it so I don’t lose hope!).

  9. I so relate to this, Amy! Over and over God provides what we need, when we need it – and yet I fret over bills and worry about paying things on time – let alone doing anything extra for fun.

    It’s one of those lessons that God faithfully continues to teach – and build my faith in Him despite my consistent failings… God is always good – always provides – and gives us what we need when we need it. And sometimes, we have to be reminded daily of this…

  10. The money thing has been a hard one for me, too. I think there’s been some improvement in that area, but God had to take us through some financial drought to change my attitude. I still struggle in other areas of life, though, because I have too much of that “I’ll take care of it myself” thang going on. It’s so frustrating. A problem is identified – in me or my household or wherever – and I go immediately to problem-solving mode. I don’t know why I don’t think FIRST to turn to the Lord, knowing that He has the best answer of all and anything I try and do in my own power is worthless. You’d think I’d get that by now. Sigh. Fortunately, He is not only faithful to complete that which He’s begun, but also very, very patient with me. 🙂

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  1. […] things God is teaching us about trust and providence. If you missed them you can read them here: Over and over I’ve failed and So I have this favorite rocking […]

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